My Heart Fills Up Like a Balloon

Submitted by Chris Webster on Sun, 2006/08/13 - 06:14
Alan Ball, 'American Beauty'

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all. It stretches on forever like an ocean of time. For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars.

And yellow leaves from the maple trees that lined our street.

Or my grandmother's hands and the way her skin seemed like paper.

And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird.

And Janie. And Janie.

And Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst; and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. And then it flows through me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what I'm talking about I'm sure. But don't worry, you will some day.


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